Sunday, September 25, 2005

These are the days of my life...

Well hello there, devoted readers.

I apologize for my absence from the blog as of late. I know it’s been some time now since I last posted; over two weeks to be exact. Some of you might be asking yourselves if I’ve lost interest, or if I’ve been too wrapped up in exciting happenings in my life here in Japan to inform you all. This could not be farther from the truth. In fact, it’s just about the opposite. The reason I haven’t been posting is that my life has been rather mundane these past few weeks. There’s really nothing of any real significance to inform you of. I work, I come home, I chat on the internet, I watch movies, I play my guitar and I read a heck of a lot. I suppose this last part is worthy of some mention.

When I say I’ve been reading a heck of a lot, it might actually be more accurate to say I’ve been devouring books at an incredible rate. If you lived in Fukuroi too you might understand the reason for this. I think I’m almost at 3 books per week. That’s kind of scary, especially for me considering I’m going to run out of books in a month or so if I keep going at this pace. Now, I don’t want it to seem like I’m a shut in, although I am home a lot of the time. It’s not really by choice, but rather by situation. I do have some activities that I’d like to be involved in, like a martial arts class, but finding the dojo and figuring out a class time that would work with my schedule has been more difficult than I would have thought to accomplish.

While I was in California living with my folks for a month before coming to Japan I had what I suppose might be considered a breakdown of sorts. Of course I know how stressed out I was at the time, but this was the result of something far larger and more existential in nature. Questions of worth, meaning and direction were battering the inside of my head and refused to subside. One night, during a discussion with my folks, my dad made a very valid point which was that I was thinking too much and not actually doing enough. The more time I have alone to mull these often unanswerable questions, the more I sink into the mire. And unfortunately as of late I feel myself being pulled back down that road.

Luckily, I refuse to go down. Like I said, I’ve been doing a lot of reading, and I’ve been trying to choose my material carefully. Here are some of the books I’ve read since last posting here: Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, Girlfriend in a Coma by Douglas Coupland, The Alchemist by Paulo Cohelo, Lamb by Christopher Moore, How to Be Good by Nick Hornby, some of A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking and I’m now halfway through Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I would heartily recommend them all, especially The Alchemist and Ishmael. These are books that are essential reading for everyone on Earth. What I have noticed is that there is a common thread running through almost all of them. Some are more light, and meant for entertainment, and some are most definitely deeper and filled with a light of knowledge that is powerful and inescapable. All of them seem to be pushing me towards something I haven’t fully been able to identify, but I have come to realize has been with me for years now.

During that time, as I said, I have been almost constantly plagued by my thoughts. I don’t really consider them a plague though, it was just a nice cliché to throw in there. These are massive things in and of themselves, and I often feel overwhelmed by them and their implications. Along with these books I have been reading lately I have gotten into a spat of watching documentaries consisting of a variety of topics. Regardless, they all point to things that are going on in this world right under our noses. Things that actually might not even be hidden, but things we have been conditioned against caring about, or at least convinced that we can do nothing about them. One question that has been pounding and pounding is how I just don’t understand why people put up with lies. How can we let ourselves be misled so horrendously and not even care enough to do anything about it when we find out that it is happening? What has happened to our sense of outrage? If anybody has seen the film Hotel Rwanda (and if you haven’t, get out there and watch this amazing piece of cinema) they will remember the scene between Don Cheadle’s character, Paul, and Joaquin Phoenix, the reporter. The latter has snuck out of the barricaded hotel grounds to get footage of the violence, and returns with video of the slaughter that was happening right outside their doors. He apologizes to Paul for him having seen the footage, but Paul thanks him because now the world will have to recognize the issue at hand and do something about it. Phoenix sadly shakes his head and says something about how he thinks that people will be watching the news and see the footage and say wow… that’s so horrible, and then just flip the channel back to their favorite sitcom.

That’s how I feel about what’s going on with us in these times. We are so focused on our own lives and furthering ourselves financially and materially that we forget that the most important and integral thing we can do is remember that we are a part of this planet and a part of a greater unit as humans and therefore are responsible to do what we can to improve conditions in general, not just for ourselves. In saying this, I am not in any way claiming that I am a shining beacon when it comes to this. In fact I’m saying it because I have finally realized how far the other way I had gone. Of course it’s difficult. Every aspect of our culture reinforces individualism and selfishness. But the more we can keep our heads clear and willing to accept a greater truth, not what we are being fed, the better off we will be.

Ok… I’m running out of steam here. And I think you get the idea. Please don’t think that I’ve sunken into this hole of anger, because it’s exactly the opposite. When I go for a walk or bike ride around Fukuroi, or wherever I am, I look around at the constant marvel of life and appreciate how beautiful it all is. Today was wonderfully sunny. Riding my bike back from the restaurant I took it as slow as I possibly could so that I could appreciate everything around me. Looking up to the sky I was astounded by what I saw. In the west it was nothing but clear, azure sky, but then looking to the east, the most ominous and dark clouds filled the sky as far as I could see, all the way to the mountains in the distance. I couldn’t believe the difference from swinging my head right to left. Just like many things around me these days I am reminded that magic does exist, we just have to have our radars out to receive its grace and glory.



4 Comments:

Blogger Christian said...

Dude. Look at the spam you're getting on your blog. Will wonders never cease? These idiots are using the COMMENT SECTION ON A BLOG to advertise. It's stupid, because it gets your hopes up. So let me be the first real post to this entry and say that I'm glad you've been able to articulate all the discussions we've been having in this thread so well.

Talk to you soon, guy.

2:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sup brother!

Well I see that you've fallen into the realm of 'New Aged' books. Ishmael is one of the first books that I read after Siddartha. Not to say that they are bad, because they do open ones eyes. Keep experiencing and exploring, and feeding the mind can never go wrong. It's good to see that you are not falling into your own traps.

Here's a great poem by T.S. Eliot:

Endless invention, endless experiements.
Brings knolwedge of motion, but not of stillness;
Knowledge of speech, but not of silence;
Knowledge of words, and ignorance of the Word...

Where is the Life we have lost in living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

Just a little something to feed the mind.

Peace and Love,
Raymon 'the' Yim

Ps. I'm going to Vancouver at the end of October.

7:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jake: Further to our conversation this morning, I understand better where you are coming from. Good for you to keep your mind open and articulate so well your thoughts and discoveries. I love the TS Eliot poem too! Your father's favorite. Way to go, Jake. Life is a journey. And you're on it! Stay focused on what matters.

6:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jacob - Ishmael is SUCH a great book. Keep going with Daniel Quinn's books.
Life of Pi I had trouble getting through - it took me three tries. I wasn't impressed at all with it, considering the hype it got!

Anyways keep your chin up and remember that life ebbs and flows. It can't be amazing experience after amazing experience. You have to make peace with times that do not seem outwardly to be the greatest. Sometimes very important things can pass you by during these segments in your life.

Also, always listen to your parents, they are older and wiser and usually ultimately right.

5:26 AM  

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